This page ©2001
Chip
Brown.
PeteyI have this friend, or I guess I should say I had this friend, who had a parakeet. Now that was one strike against him right there but we had been friends long before he became a bird person. Anyway every time I went over to his house I would let the parakeet out. Each time he would fly around the room until he came to a mirror and then whammo he would crash right into it. My friend explained to me that to the bird he thought the mirror was another room and would try to fly right in. Maybe this is correct I don't know but it seems to me...Even if the bird thought this was another room he'd see the parakeet that looked just like him coming and at least try to avoid the head on-collission. I had done this to this bird a million times and it never ceased to be funny. But I learned last night that a parakeet can only survive this a million and one times. Poor Petey was no more. I could tell that the demise of Petey weighed heavy on my friend. He just sat there on the couch crying like a twit. Being his best friend I figured the least I could do was to place Petey in his final resting place. I said a few words over old Petey about all the fun and headaches we had enjoyed together. I did the sign of the cross (I don't know why I'm not Catholic, but I guess I assumed Petey was). Then I pulled the silver handle and watched Petey spin towards his eternal rest. Now one thing I learned is that a best friend doesn't want to be bothered when he is in grief over a dead bird. When I asked him where the plunger was he only cried harder. Even when I explained to him his bathroom was at this very moment flooding he didn't care. Fortunately he kept a plunger behind the bathroom door and the pool of water led me right to it. Flump-poosh, flump-poosh I tried to send Petey on down. Now in Physics class we learned that whatever goes up must come down. I learned the night Petey died that the reverse is also true. What goes down (and gets stuck) will also eventually come back up. Flump-poosh-whock Petey came back out of the little whole into the bowl. Flap-flap he bagan flapping around. Petey hadn't been killed in his mirror crash, only stunned! Wanting to share the great news I plunged my hand into the frigid water and retrieved Petey. I hurried into the living room and plopped Petey down on the coffee table in front of my friend. Another thing I learned that night was the sight of a half dead, half drowned bird flopping around on a table doesn't cheer one up. In one night I had killed this guy's bird, tried to flush it down the toilet, flooded his bathroom and most of his bedroom, and then plunged the near demised bird's carcass back out onto a coffee table. Did you know my friend kept a loaded pistol under his sofa? Me either. You just can't please some people. If you would like to be my new "Best Friend" you may apply for the position below: (Note applicant must be able to blindly take my side no matter how stupid my argument)
1) Name:
A) Think it was hillarious |
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