This page ©2001
Chip Brown.

Dino-Sure?

Everybody been to that Dino-Discount store in Maynardville? I went up there the other day and actually bought a camcorder. Cool place that Dino-Discount....Silly name though.

Oh, I'm not doing a commercial for Dino-Discount. It's just that stopping there was a mistake. Let me explain...

I was driving down the road and I saw this sign that says Dino-Discount. Well hey, I'm only human, I figured they sold dinosaurs! I stopped to examine their Jurassic wares. False advertising I tell you! Not a single dinosaur in the place. I think they led me to believe they had dinosaurs, so that I would stop and they could ply me with camcorders.

Don't get me wrong, camcorders are cool, but they're hardly dinosaurs. So, I drove off wondering what sort of story I could make up, to explain this unscheduled purchase to my wife. I usually blame everything bad on my neighbors dog. What was I going to say? The neighbor's dog stole our checkbook and bought this camcorder? My wife may have married me but she's not as stupid as that makes her seem.

Blast that Dino-Discount! They had gone and got me in a fine pickle.

I pulled over on the shoulder, to give myself time to make up a good story for the wife. As you probably guessed, my mind began to wander like a dog out of it's fence. The first daydream I had involved beating Ronald McDonald with a giant rubber french fry. That daydream behind me, I began to think about dinosaurs.

What male doesn't think about dinosaurs? True most of the males that daydream about dinosaurs are nine years old and thinking of a purple talking one, but I'm just special like that at 35.

Wouldn't it be nice to own a dinosaur? I don't mean one of those mean ones that eat New York, I mean a nice four or five ton one. I'd keep him out in the back yard and feed and water him every day, I promise I would.

I'd only let him out at night to go poop in my neighbor's yard. A little revenge never hurt anyone. Let my neighbor wake up tomorrow with five hundred pounds of poop in his driveway. That's probably the equivalent of what his dog has left in my yard in the past month.

I'd saddle him up and ride him to town, just me and my dinosaur. My wife probably wouldn't go because she's sort of weird about things like that. If the guy in front of me goes too slow I'll just let my dinosaur squash him like a bug.

Oh, the McDonald's drivethru, I'll bet they'd get my order right if I were on a dinosaur. They'd probably think I was someone very important owning my own dinosaur and everything. If they did screw up my Happy Meal I'd tell Rex, (that's what I'd name my dinosaur) to go in and complain. I'm not sure they'd listen to a dinosaur any more than they do me, but I'll bet he wouldn't have to wait in line to get my missing fries.

I guess it was right after this thought, I heard the tapping on my car window. Next thing I knew my wife was bailing me out again. I'm not sure if it was the way I was sitting in my car roaring like a dinosaur, or the fact I told the policeman to "tell it to the dinosaur."

Anyway, next week I get to go for another evaluation. There are always some very helpful people down there. Wonder if they'll know where one can purchase a used dinosaur?

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